Kaylee: What was there to be thankful for when Jesus died for me on the cross?

Kaylee: What was there to be thankful for when Jesus died for me on the cross?

I came to Christ Evangelical Reformed Church (CERC) as a boisterous, socially-deprived, hormonal thirteen-year-old with little regard for God. I always thought that being in a Christian family, going to church, and occasionally reading your Bible automatically dubbed me a Christian. There were times when I would really question my faith, but my thinking was: “As long as you had even the slightest thought of wanting the things of God, you are definitely a Christian.” Little did I know that my understanding of Christianity was flawed and even wrong in many ways.

I remember times when I would think, “If I die and meet the real God, would He be who I thought He was? Would I have chosen the ‘right religion’?” For me, Christianity was just a way to get a free ticket to heaven. I feared hell and death and saw Christianity as the best way out of it. One day my dad asked me, “Are you thankful for Jesus’ death for your sins on the cross?” and I thought, “What was there to be thankful for? I mean sure, I’m a sinner and all, but the point is that Jesus loved me so much that He died for me”. Well, that all changed when I went to CERC’s youth group one Saturday afternoon.

My first impression of the youth group was just, “Why do they keep asking me so many questions?” and “Wow, their Bible studies are so in-depth”. But they were nice and friendly, and I longed for friendship so I stayed on. It wasn’t until one day when I was at a Geddit Get-Together outing studying Romans 1 that I was really challenged on everything I thought was Christianity. I remember my biblically-illiterate self being very ‘blur’ throughout the study, but one verse hit me – “The wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth” (Romans 1:18). Vanessa (my youth leader) turned to us and said,

“Do you know that God is angry with you?”

At that moment, my worldview shattered. The God whom I had always thought only loved me, who had nothing but positive thoughts towards me, who was my best friend, was angry at me?

That was when the ball started rolling and the wheels started turning. I suddenly realised how small my God was, and how big He actually is. He isn’t a God who longs for my acceptance or approval – He is a God who is Boss and King. He has standards. He is holy and He hates sinners who deliberately rebel against Him. I started realising Christianity wasn’t just about God knocking on your door, overwhelming you with His love in hopes that you’d respond.

Christianity is about the sovereign God of the universe withholding His wrath towards us deserved sinners, unleashing it all on His sinless, undeserved Son instead, so that our whole lives can be redeemed to worship Him.

The more I learnt, the more awesome God became and the more I venerated and revered him for being a God not revolving around my desires or my concerns, but around Him and His glorification. I finally understood what it meant for Him to be worthy and deserving of everything.

From then on, I tried my best to come for every youth group, every conference. I invited my friends for them. I told them about the gospel. I wanted everyone to know that God was angry at them and that we are all in trouble if we do not repent and believe in Him. Fast forward 4 years, I am now a membership candidate, helping out in different departments and rethinking my life and career choices to be centred around God and His mission to expand His kingdom. In other words, I am transformed.

I am ever grateful for CERC’s youth group, jie jie (which means older sister) Vanessa and ultimately God who convicted me of this truth and stopped me from my life of believing in a God I created instead of the true God of the Bible. Let us all strive hard to work on the Scriptures so that we may never be led astray by false teachings and never grow dull of hearing this good news of the Christ, the Son of God, who came to pay the punishment we all deserve. In everything, let God be exalted, and man be brought low.