by Ai Lyn Chew
WEW hosts first mixed-gender event on dating and sexual purity
“If we’re committed and love each other, why wait?”
That question reflects the spirit of our age—one where feelings and desires often take precedence over God’s truth. On 8 March 2025, CERC’s Women Encouraging Women (WEW) ministry organised an event to address this pressing issue: Dating and Sexual Purity.
Breaking with tradition, the event welcomed both women and men, recognizing men’s God-given leadership in marriage and the call to holiness shared by all believers.
Before the main talk, participants were gathered in small groups to play an icebreaker game of “Two Truths and a Lie” – centred on the theme of sexual purity. For many, it was setting the stage for participants to get to know and reflect on one another’s background and thoughts on sexual purity. This laid the groundwork for the main talk by Joel Lee, a father and Growth Group leader at CERC.
Getting to know one another in small groups before the talk
Sexual Purity Is More Than a Boundary Line
Joel began by challenging the common assumption that treats sexual purity as merely “not crossing the line.” He argued that this view is too narrow and moralistic. The Christian pursuit of purity is not about rule-keeping or behavioural management, but about being ruled by God’s Word.
“The problem isn’t that we have sexual desire,” Joel said. “The problem is when that desire rules over us, instead of us ruling over it by God’s Word.”
Drawing from Genesis 1–3, he demonstrated how God created Adam and Eve to exercise dominion over creation—including their desires—by trusting and obeying His Word. But when they listened to the serpent and placed their desires above God’s command, they fell into sin. “Adam and Eve bought the lie that it is better to fulfil their desires; that it is more life-giving than having God’s Word over them. They would rather choose to be ruled by their desires, than have God’s Word rule over them,” Joel explained.
He also clarified that sexual desire itself is not wrong—it is a God-given good thing—but, like all desires, it must be ruled over so that it becomes a good servant. The desires God has given us helps us to enjoy everything. But it is our failure to rule over them, and letting our desires rule over us, that is the problem.
Godliness in a World of Indulgence
The talk pressed in particularly on the issue of responsibility and maturity—especially for men. Joel warned that many are biologically ready for sex but spiritually unfit for marriage and fatherhood. “The solution to lust isn’t to rush into marriage,” he said. “It’s to cultivate godly character.”
He pointed out that patterns of indulgence often begin long before sexual temptation—through laziness, escapism, and the unchecked pursuit of comfort. These patterns of indulgence reveal a life already ruled by desire. “How can you raise godly offspring,” Joel asked, “if you’re still ruled by your own appetites?”
The call was clear: men and women alike are to grow in godliness, exercise self-control, and develop the spiritual muscles necessary for obedience to God.
Building Relationships on the Right Foundation
Joel also addressed the nature of dating relationships, noting that too often, couples are drawn together by mutual indulgence—seeking emotional or physical fulfilment without a shared desire to serve God. But biblical relationships are not built on desire—they are built on covenant, responsibility, and a mutual submission to Christ.
“Are you walking in the footsteps of Adam, ruled by your desires?” Joel asked. “Or in the footsteps of Christ and His Bride, ruled by the Word?”
Sexual purity, then, is not a mere checklist or a boundary. It is the fruit of a life that submits to God’s design and purposes—especially when it comes to marriage, sex, and family.
Joel Lee giving the main talk for the day
Facing Struggles With Clarity
The talk left a strong impression on those who attended. Many saw their struggles in a new light.
“The talk helped me realise that when I struggle with sexual desire, I’m not just struggling with that—it’s about escapism, avoiding responsibility,” shared Noah Teng, a CERC member. “It made me reflect on whether I’m willing to take on the full weight of what sex is for—children, family, and covenant.”
Others appreciated the speaker’s clarity and honesty.
“I appreciated the boldness in addressing real struggles,” said Isaac Ng, a member candidate. “Sex and desire are part of God’s good creation, meant to be used for His purpose—to fill the earth with His image bearers. That’s very different from using it for selfish gain.”
“Joel was very real about how guys think about girls, and how pornography distorts that,” Noah added. “He didn’t sugarcoat it.”
A Word-ruled People
After the talk and a question-and-answer session, everyone gathered back in their small groups to reflect, be honest about each other’s struggles, encourage and pray for one another. At its heart, the message of the day was not just about sex or dating. It was a call to live under the rule of God’s Word in every area of life. In a world ruled by appetite, God’s people are to be ruled by the only thing that truly gives life—His Word, His design, and His purposes. As the talk made clear, purity is not about lines. It’s about lordship.
May God enable His Church to live ruled by His Word, not dominated by desire.
Younger and older women reflecting after the talk together
Men encouraging one another through honest sharing in small groups
A first-of-its-kind WEW event where both men and women encouraged one another
