Fun fact about Xin Yuan: She is an accomplished ballerina with an Advanced 2 Royal Academy of Dance (that’s four levels above Grade 8 if you guys know what that is!) I grew up in a Non-Christian family and became an atheist because none of the religions practiced by those around me could answer my questions about life. I decided that it was better to create my own purpose rather than aimlessly searching for answers or place wishful hope in the idea that some god might guide my path. That worked for a while. I was quite confident in my own purpose, but I knew that it didn’t have a proper end and that it is subjected to change when circumstances arise. A few years ago, I faced multiple life crises which made me realize that I was not as in control as I thought. I began to doubt my atheism and explored Christianity by attending a Pentecostal church with a friend. As I read the Old Testament, I became more confused because the God I read about was completely opposite to the god I heard in sermons. When I asked my pastors questions, the answers were often vague and unhelpful —“Just pray and have faith” or “The Holy Spirit will guide you.” Frustrated, I left and landed myself in a cult who at least tried to help me make sense of the bible. Without a solid biblical foundation, I was swayed into believing that the cult leader is the 2nd coming of the messiah. Eventually, I was pulled out of the cult and forced to deny my beliefs. I felt really guilty because I thought I betrayed God and the messiah like Judas. I didn’t want to go back to my former church, so I followed my teacher to a Chinese Presbyterian church where the teachings were more grounded. Still, I silently struggled with guilt and the fear that I could no longer be forgiven. That began to change when I joined IMUCF and started reading the Bible with a senior, Celine Yong. We went through the TWTL (Two Ways To Live) studies, and Box 1 was particularly impactful—it helped me see that God is real and far more sovereign than I thought. I came to understand that my allegiance belongs to Him alone, because He is the one who created me and redeemed me in Christ. Later on, my lingering doubts about the Messiah were answered as I learned more about Jesus through IMU CF’s Colossians series and CERC’s God’s Story series. The hardest part about being a Christian has been learning to deny myself and live for Him. But God has been gracious to me – He strengthened me with His word by His Spirit whenever I struggled.How would you describe yourself since coming to CERC and how is it going to impact the life of the church? I’ve grown to appreciate God, His gospel, His goodness, His desire to have a people like Christ a lot more through learning from the sermons, GG and serving in church. Because of that appreciation, I can see myself learning to love others more even though I still find it very hard. Pastoral ministry to certain individuals was just so tough during my university years - I cannot imagine what it is like for pastors to deal with hundreds and thousands of difficult people.. It made me question myself if I really want to commit to the church and whether I really want to do Full Time Paid Ministry But I can’t deny that Christ is risen and the gospel is true. He laid down His life for His enemies and called us to love others as He did. I know that loving the church is not gonna get any easier but I hope in God’s promise of creating a new humanity for Himself. I pray that God will continue to expose my self-righteous heart and sanctify me to become more like His Son so that I can built up others in love. Besides that, I also realize that as I start working and grow older, I tend to give in to tiredness more easily. I foresee myself calcifying like some adults in church if I don’t actively reform myself daily. I pray that instead of calcifying, the reality of the gospel will grip me more deeply and train me to be a godly role model for others in church.