I grew up in a Christian family. I was proud to be a “Christian” because I was under the impression that it’s good in the general sense, right, intelligent, civilized, normal, nice, friendly, etc. Partly, it’s because I’m influenced by the portrayal of Christianity as being popular since it’s a major religion in the world (not to mention, it’s a “western religion” in a “white-is-right” world). I was the typical goody two shoes, and perhaps even Pharisaical (a baggage that I will carry till this day, but by God’s grace, I will see with a growing clarity of my sinfulness before my Holy God). My theology when I grew up in children’s church (that was what my old church called it) and under my parents’ upbringing is one where God is our all-powerful protector who will shield us from harm’s way. As a kid, my mom would teach me to pray to God whenever I have nightmares, and that God is bigger and stronger than all my fears (e.g., demons, etc.). As I grew older, I would also be praying to God for good grades before exams because why not if God is an all-powerful provider. If I had to use a label, whatever I believed was a kind of Moralistic Therapeutic Deism gospel sprinkled with some form of piety. I’m sure I did learn about creation, sin, Jesus as Lord and Savior, the cross, the resurrection, forgiveness of sins, heaven and hell, judgment etc. but only as mere content when I was growing up, but those things meant very little to me back then and I can’t say I really revered God. Mostly, Christianity was real, but distant; it was personal but in a bare minimum way, and much of it is me-centered. That was the only version of Christianity I knew and hence it was left unquestioned. I wanted to be doing things according to God’s good laws, like the ten commandments or like obeying Jesus and fulfilling the great commission (I vaguely remember how I wanted to be evangelistic in primary school but was too afraid to speak to my classmates about Jesus), but I only understood myself as a sinner in a conceptual way. Little did I know, I was an enemy before God. I always presumed I’m a decent person when compared with others. Fast forward to the time when I first visited CERC Youth, I had Adrian Miller did ‘Two Ways to Live’ with me. I learned about the Lordship of God, that He is someone that cannot be trifled with, and He demands a response. Instead of God who is man-centered and always-forgiving, I was presented with the God who deserves my worship immediately, now. I chose to live according to God’s way. That was the starting point of my conversion. From then on, I continued visiting TGG MonSun and Sunway SOLIDD where I came to understand my sinfulness personally and God’s grace in the gospel of His Son, Jesus Christ, who by His grace alone, brought forth forgiveness, justification and new life for me. Two ways to live was foundational for me in showing me the binary nature of living for God. Since then, I’ve been growing in my knowledge of God. My life has changed in that I now live not with myself as the focal point, but Christ and His church. I desire to be a living sacrifice for God, in honoring Him in all that I do, repenting from all the evils that still plague me on this side of heaven although painstakingly, and loving the church and evangelizing those not yet part of the flock. That said, life being a Christian is not without much sin. Over time, my zealousness for the gospel and all things reformed grew cold as I’m challenged with the test of time, where eventually much of my theology became mere routines and they were impersonal. Time flew by carelessly especially during the pandemic and I did everything contrary to Ephesians 5:15-16, forgetting the time that I now live in and who I have been transformed to be (a sinner saved from a life of sin and death à to a life to God). I’m now made aware of it, and I intend to keep working out my salvation with fear and trembling because it is God who works in me, for His good pleasure at the end of the day. I am thankful to God for saving me from my sin and from the His holy wrath reserved for me that was borne by Christ at the cross, even though I’ve proved and proven myself to be undeserving time and time again, even as a Christian. I’m grateful that I can be called a son of God now, and I can live a life that conforms to Christ more and more each day.